bennet_beauty: (something happening downwards: by melly)
After so long of a wait, Jane found that the actual event rushed onwards. It seemed as though her small child was not willing to come out. It seemed as though Lydia would celebrate her fourth birthday before Richard ever established the date of his own birth. And then, suddenly, it was as though God above had challenged her and deemed that she would wait no longer. Within the first hours, Jane could already tell that this would be faster than Lydia's birth, as she seemed to feel the pains much closer together at an increasing rate.

With it, she felt a deep sadness pervading her mood. For all that she knew she ought to embrace the joy of a new child, she could not help but remember all those dear to her who were with her the last time she gave birth. Dr. Maturin and Stuart and so many more dear friends were no longer with her and it brought tears to her eyes through every moment of the birth.

She had been correct in her estimation, however. From the moment in which her water broke to Richard being placed in her arms, only fourteen hours had elapsed. It was a welcome change from the first event in which it had been days of suffering and oh! It had been worth it, of course, but it had been such a feat of endurance.

Now, with Richard bundled up in a swath and cleaned of all the grime and blood that covered him -- the necessary medical aid performed by Doctor House -- he rested comfortably in Jane's arms as Lydia slept soundly at her side. She had been eager to join her Mama, but Jane had insisted that she be kept outside until things were more civilized. At four, perhaps she would already begin to bring these memories forever forward with her.

"Hello, little Duckie," Jane greeted her young son fondly, brushing her thumb over the tufts of blond hair at the top of his forehead. "We have been waiting ever so long to actually meet you."
bennet_beauty: (red-eyed Jane: by ?)
Only one day had passed since Jane had found her way to Carwood and had explained as simply and kindly as she could that it would not do for her to be in his presence when she had developed feelings for him that were hardly appropriate in any light. It had been a day and still, Jane felt herself heavy with grief. She had taken Lydia to the Children's Office and had retreated home to a vast place filled with the echoes of happy life.

She hardly made it inside before she found herself overcome with the realization of the past day and what she had done. She pressed her back against the door and found herself sliding down it until she reached the floor, a stunned and teary look to her face as she gaped into space and wished for some sense to all this madness.

How could she have allowed herself to feel so deeply for a man that was taken? How terrible of her! Oh! She could not even sum up the ways that she was disappointed with herself, but she must come to terms with it as she had done it.

Jane found her body quaking mildly as she brushed long fingers against her cheeks to blot at whatever wetness was there, wishing for strength and for Lizzy and for the secureness and safety of her family in this moment. A quiet sob of a sound escaped her and as she glanced up, she realized that she had not fully closed the door upon her return.
bennet_beauty: (how thoughtful: by ?)
Jane had taken to allowing Lydia to play in the playground as a matter of routine. The activities were far more invigorating than Jane could provide and there was the presence of other children nearby. She, herself, could take a book and rest it in her lap to allow her mind to be improved while Lydia was a safe distance away. Today, Jane could not focus on the words, though her gaze was focused on a point in the mid-distance. No matter what she attempted, her focus would often stray back to thoughts unspoken and ones that she wished to repress.

It was such a silly matter and an impossible one, besides, and she did simply not know how to make the feelings disappear. She flipped the page of her book though she had not finished reading the page before and attempted once more to focus.

It did not help. She found herself looking up and staring at Lydia, reminded of the way that he held her so easily and...oh! Jane found herself incapable of stopping such lines of thought. Her cheeks flushed an unhealthy pink and she wished that she could suppress her emotions as she had once a time ago, when she was still a younger woman.

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Jane Bennet

February 2014

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